Jacob's more like me. Sleep conditions have to be optimal: dark room, good white noise, warm (but not too warm), etc... If conditions are not prime, and sometimes even when they are, my boy won't sleep.
Because of this, sleep times tend to cause me to want to scream. Like really scream.
They have opened my eyes to an impatience and a selfishness in me that I didn't really know was in there. There have been truly desperate moments where Jacob and I have both been crying. He because he is SO EXHAUSTED and can't seem to settle down and give in to sleep; me because, well, really for the same reasons. And because in my desperate moments I start to think, " this kid has it OUT FOR ME."
Crazy? Yes...
Of COURSE there is not some huge conspiracy that Jacob alone is privy too. Jacob is not thinking to himself, "I can't wait to keep my mommy up tonight, or hinder her from getting a single ounce of housework done this afternoon."
All he knows is that he is warm and comfy in Mommy's arms and that's where he would prefer to stay. His world revolves around HIM. And to be honest, the moments that I get MOST frustrated are due to my desire for my world to REVOLVE AROUND ME (and my need for SLEEP!)
But God has bigger, better plans. He wants my world to revolve around Him and I have realized lately that every moment I get to hold Jacob in my arms is an opportunity to make that happen.
There is wonder to be found in the face of my sleeping boy. There will come a time (much sooner than I would like) when Jacob wont WANT me to hold him anymore. But for now, the only time of day that I get to snuggle my boy is at sleep times. Looking at him, in my not so desperate moments, I see the Creator.
The moments when I AM DESPERATE, when I am at the end of myself, are opportunities to meet My creator and practice things like patience, grace, live, and selflessness. If only I could remember that AT those moments...
I am working on it...and lately Jacobs giving me lots of practice!
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