If anything could make me lose my religion, it would be naptime.

My Lil man has never been a good sleeper. He definitely didn't get his fathers excellent sleeping skillz (that man could fall asleep anywhere, any time, and in any position).

Jacob's more like me. Sleep conditions have to be optimal: dark room, good white noise, warm (but not too warm), etc... If conditions are not prime, and sometimes even when they are, my boy won't sleep.

Because of this, sleep times tend to cause me to want to scream. Like really scream.

They have opened my eyes to an impatience and a selfishness in me that I didn't really know was in there. There have been truly desperate moments where Jacob and I have both been crying. He because he is SO EXHAUSTED and can't seem to settle down and give in to sleep; me because, well, really for the same reasons. And because in my desperate moments I start to think, " this kid has it OUT FOR ME."

Crazy? Yes...

Of COURSE there is not some huge conspiracy that Jacob alone is privy too. Jacob is not thinking to himself, "I can't wait to keep my mommy up tonight, or hinder her from getting a single ounce of housework done this afternoon."

All he knows is that he is warm and comfy in Mommy's arms and that's where he would prefer to stay. His world revolves around HIM. And to be honest, the moments that I get MOST frustrated are due to my desire for my world to REVOLVE AROUND ME (and my need for SLEEP!)

But God has bigger, better plans. He wants my world to revolve around Him and I have realized lately that every moment I get to hold Jacob in my arms is an opportunity to make that happen.

There is wonder to be found in the face of my sleeping boy. There will come a time (much sooner than I would like) when Jacob wont WANT me to hold him anymore. But for now, the only time of day that I get to snuggle my boy is at sleep times. Looking at him, in my not so desperate moments, I see the Creator.

The moments when I AM DESPERATE, when I am at the end of myself, are opportunities to meet My creator and practice things like patience, grace, live, and selflessness. If only I could remember that AT those moments...

I am working on it...and lately Jacobs giving me lots of practice!

Can't see the playground, for the twigs and rocks

You've heard the expression, "he/she can't see the forest for the trees!" We typically use it when someone is so focused on the details or small picture that the larger picture is hidden or ignored.

Jacob has that problem when it comes to playgrounds. But in this case, it's been a way to show this mommy how to slow down and experience the wonder in the small.

Our little man has just mastered (sort of) walking. So I have been taking him to playgrounds on the nice days. We are blessed in Newport with a plethora of cool playgrounds and I was so eager for winter to end so I could take Jacob to them.

The first time we went, I got him out of the car, set him on his little feet and then pointed to the big, glorious playground. There were swings, a jungle gym, slides, tire swing, all kinds of stuff that I was sure he would be ITCHING to explore.

It was a bit of a shock when Jacob took literally ONE step, plopped down on the grass and commenced playing with a twig. "Jacob!" said this perplexed mommy, "look at all the kids playing over there! Let's go over and explore!"

Pulling him back up to his feet, I was sure this momentary distraction was just that, and watched as he walked two more steps, plopped down and continued playing with the twigs and rocks all around him.

Jacob didn't need to get to the playground to explore and be in awe. The things RIGHT in front of him were awe-inspiring enough. Everything is SO NEW and exciting to him. Some sticks and a big rock to bang is the COOLEST THING ever to him.

Ever since that first playground experience, I have tried to let Jacob be my guide in exploring HIS world; not the other way around. It's fun in his world. Wood chips bring joy, different rocks' textures are worth feeling and checking out over and over. Twirling a stick around in the sand is absolutely fascinating. Every little thing God made excites him!

We don't need no STINKIN' swings, says Jacob. Wonder is all around him. I just hope I can keep reminding myself to slow down and experience it. Jesus' admonition to come to God like a child makes more sense every day.

Thank you Lord for this sweet boy that brings wonder back into my life daily.